Agreeing to Disagree

Let us then pursue what makes for Peace and Mutual edification (Romans 14:19)

One of the most exciting facts about human life is that each of us can think and that we can think differently, and form varied opinions. The challenge of corporate living is to ensure that we manage differences skilfully and allow them to edify our common good rather than create divisions and schisms. Agreeing to disagree and yet living happily together thus become an existential challenge of life. While holding divergent views it calls for tolerance while still not buying the other person’s view. It aims at mitigating conflict and avoiding escalation of tension, which is often unwarranted, unnecessary, and undesirable.

Around us we find several people struggling to agree even within the confines of the home, leave alone the larger contexts of life. Partners are not able to agree even on the first steps of marriage. Having lived a considerable amount of time together people realise that they are tending to disagree more than agreeing. This is creating conflict in relationships and in households. In the larger society including the church these tensions are finding newer and newer ways of manifestations and that makes a discussion on agreeing to disagree very relevant to our times as it was in earlier times.

Writing to the Romans on how to handle contentious issues and specifically addressing the issue of food Paul points out three key dimensions of truce seeking,

• Pursue what makes for Peace. While we allow each person the right and freedom to think differently it is important that meeting points are found to ensure PEACE prevailing. This is true in the life of families, friends, fellowships, and fraternities. For peace to prevail the underlying factors are Justice and Truth both of which could be very subjective in some contexts. Some of the key elements of this pursuit include
  • Giving the freedom to every other person to think and express differently.
  • Accepting the viewpoints different from one with dignity and magnanimity
  • Focusing on bridgebuilding rather than building walls that divide.
  • Navigating through divergent viewpoints skilfully till one reaches acceptable meeting points.
  • Prayerfully deciding to hold hands and move on while trying to understand each other’s viewpoints clearer and better.
  • Seeking to move closer to each other rather than far apart while tensions tend to draw people apart.
  • Be willing to give in and let go unnecessary ego so that peace would triumph
  • Being firm with the guidelines of Justice and Truth while longing for PEACE.

• Keep Mutual Edification as the Goal of the Pursuit: Whenever there is a conflict the tendency is to tilt in favour of the powerful or the majority. However, it remains a fact that the powerful and the majority need not always be right. Therefore, when we think about resolving a potential conflict the key touchstone should be mutual edification. How could a decision be beneficial to both parties and not harmful to any.
  • The magnanimity to embrace diversity and acknowledging that cherishing differences add value to community helps one to place the roots of the difference in opinion to divergent contexts and backgrounds that define the people.
  • Empathetic Listening where all viewpoints are heard and valued before arriving at decisions and wherever needed being willing to wait until a decision is thrust upon people is important
  • Lifting Up Each Other and Providing hope instead of painting the future grey is crucial to keep everyone’s spirit up.
  • Grace as the principle of conflict mitigation must seek all possible ways to ensure a bright future for ALL.
  • Mutuality as having the humility to say- You First- rather than MY way if the other has a better option to make the future hopeful is important.
  • Undoubting Faith in the Possibilities of God to continue to do miracles to edify the life of people and make the future bright is basic.

• Keep common good as the guiding principle: Rather than achieving selfish goals of a few people who could have their own interests the deciding factor in any context of difference if opinion should be the common good and a hopeful future.
  • Welfare of the whole should seek precedence over the interests of the few.
  • Understanding interconnectedness as an edifying reality rather than a challenge. The good of all to whom the network is connected and to embrace common humanity is essential.
  • Openness to change and being open to new possibilities that the Lord opens are important. Faith helps us to come out of the mindset – After me is deluge. It gives us humility to accept that others can do better, and God is always in control.
  • Justice and Fairness being the corner stone of the building of the future. Transcending spiritual elitism where a few people think they are the sole decision makers the ordinary and the common persons, especially those in the peripheries and margins must become participants in the fair decision making process.
  • Correction with Love and Service with Humility: When there are areas where course correction is required that must always be done in love and it is important to be willing to walk the path of servanthood which is the “DNA of the Confident Church.”

Conclusion

Everyone agreeing on Everything is a Utopian dream but Everyone happily getting on despite strong opposing views is a possible proposition. Everyone in the team should be willing to prayerfully respond to each context of potential tension and in faith seek a common path for the future- full of love, full of hope and full of faith.

Yes living happily agreeing to disagree is possible.

Vinod Victor

August 1, 2023