— Midweek Meditations:
thoughts, inspiration and encouragement
from ACF community members —
Recently I experienced the sudden death of my brother, Dave. Early one morning I woke up to the message *call me* from my sister-in-law and I immediately called and her first words were “he’s gone”. These two words hit me hard and I felt as though I had been hit in the heart with a bullet. I felt there was a gaping hole in my heart. The following days were full of numb activity preparing for the trip to Chicago and also preparing the service and the eulogy. It wasn’t until the day after the funeral that I started the grieving process and felt the hole in my heart again.
I felt that this hole would remain and that nothing could fill this hole. I was angry and my thoughts were pretty selfish as I thought about all the support he had given me and I would never have that help again. Slowly this hole started to close through being with others and sharing my loss with siblings, cousins and friends. Slowly I realised that though Dave was physically dead, he was not dead in my life. I still have all that he gave me, all the words of encouragement and the many great memories that I have.
Death makes such a difference in our lives and it is one fear that we all share. Not just our death but the death of a loved one is a subject we are quick to avoid. Death like life is something each of us will experience, not one of us can avoid it. For me the healing of the hole in my heart has been painful but it is healing. Where that hole was, a scar is forming. This scar is a reminder that much of my brother is still there and he will continue to live on in my heart.
Sitting on my window sill I have a teddy bear that I have named “Dave the Bear”, before he stood on the window sill of my brother’s workshop. Every morning I see this bear and my heart is warmed, I thank God for giving me such an awesome brother and ask God to say hi to him from me. I know my brother is in a good place and that one day I will see him again.
I encourage each of us not to avoid the subject of death but that God will prepare each of us for the inevitable death of loved ones and our own death. One form of fellowship is in suffering, not only in the suffering of Christ but we also share in the sufferings of those we know. I pray that God will lead each of us into this fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ. For me this has been so necessary after the death of my brother and the healing of the hole in my heart.