Homily – Sunday, 17th September 2023
If there is one thing that we need to be constantly reminded, that is forgiveness. We read in Matthew 18:21, Peter came and said to Jesus, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.
One of our speakers at the International Conference on Racial Justice is Fr. Michael Lapsley from South Africa. He constantly reminds us that we don’t have power over what other people do to us, but we do always have power over how we respond. And about forgiveness he says- My experience is for most human beings’ forgiveness is costly, painful, difficult and messy. I forgive you today, but I am not sure about tomorrow and often people do forgive in their heads and then something else happens and they realise, maybe, actually, they have’nt.
(Fr. Lapsely was born in New Zealand and was ordained as an Anglican Priest in Australia. In 1973 he went to South Africa for his studies “worked as chaplain for the students of all races in the universities of Durban. In 1976 he began to advocate for schoolchildren who at that time had to fear being shot or arrested and tortured.
In September 1976, Lapsley was expelled from the country and initially went to Lesotho where he became pastor for the exiled congregations of the ANC. In 1982 he moved to Zimbabwe. There, in 1990, three months after the release of Nelson Mandela he was sent a letter bomb from South Africa, in the explosion of which he lost both hands and an eye. After his recovery, Michael Lapsley returned to South Africa in 1992, where in 1993 he became chaplain of the Trauma Center for Victims of Violence and Torture in Cape Town, which supported the work of the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission. In 1998 he founded the Institute for the Healing of Memories (IHOM), also in Cape Town, which he has served as director ever since.)
Fr. Lapsley keeps reminding the world that forgiveness is a journey and not a destination. It is not an act but an attitude. Forgiveness is not about forgetting but about remembering and letting go. Forgiveness is a way of healing one’s soul. When you are able to forgive it is like a heavy burden lifted away from you. In the journey of reconciliation forgiveness is the bridge that allows us to cross from a painful past to a hopeful future.
Let us now look at the conversation between Jesus and Peter. “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?”
Hurt can happen in any context
It could happen in a work context, family context, social context or even in the church context. If a brother sins against me. In inclusive language- if a member of the church sins against me. What do I do?
What do you mean by sinning against- The Greek work hamartia is used here which means missing the mark, to err, to wander from the path of righteousness and honour, to do wrong, to wander from the law of the Lord.
The German liturgy for creation care tells the story of a donkey, a dog, a cat and a rooster who met by chance and were in the danger of suffering the same fate. They were getting old and were not able to match expectations, their owners were contemplating getting rid of them. “Something better than death we can find anywhere”- so the fairy tale says and the animals sets out to seek better life and reaches Bremen. They represented the migrants who had to leave their homelands seeking something better than death. They at least had each other but some do not even have that. Living as strangers in an alien land what does being hurt mean? Sometimes memories are full of pain, torture, loss, abuse, cruelty, violence and trauma. It can crush you or break you down. What does forgiveness mean in such contexts?
When people discard boundaries in relationships, when the unacceptable becomes the norm in people’s behaviour, when life is considered easily discardable, when people flee resolving “Something better than death we can find anywhere”, they carry with the heavy weight of the memories of pain.
Yes friends, hurt can happen anywhere. The possibility of being wronged is there around. We ought to be alert to the fact that it should not be we, who miss the mark, cross the boundaries or behave in a way unbecoming to dignity of life. This is a call for each one us- that there are expectations set for our behaviour and boundaries that we should honour.
Forgiveness is not an Option but a Mandate
Forgiveness is not an option but a mandate- See the Lord’s prayer that sets the benchmark for forgiveness- forgive us our trespasses as we for forgive those who trespass against us.
The Greek work used here in the text that we read is aphiemi which literally means to send away. To bid going away, to let go, to let be, to not to keep carrying, to allow not to hinder, to depart to the next place, to go away leaving something behind.
When Nelson Mandela came out of the prison he said I left behind all bitterness lest I remain in the prison of bitterness rest of my life too.
What does it mean to let go?
Is healing of memories possible? The suggestions given are worth considering
- Acknowledge the wrong, recognise the hurt
- Empathetically see from the shoe of the other. (It is never all right when people are wronged)
- Understand the emotions- anger, sadness, pain
- A conscious decision to forgive- to let go and get going- is that possible and if so how do we facilitate that. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discovering that the prisoner was you.
- An attempt to seek an apology- Forgiveness does not mean there need not be repentance and recompense. Justice should be the defining factor. Robert Brault once said “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”
- Releasing resentment- it is not forgetting but refusing to let it define your life
- Healing of memories- Forgiveness is essential for the healing of the world and healing of memories.
- Self care- If you care for your self then let go all that harms your well being including painful memories
- Patiently allowing time to heal- Forgiveness cannot change the past, it can affect the present and change the future
- Commitment to grow and go beyond- Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it (Mark Twain)
- Trusting in the strength of God- In whose shoulders are you leaning on?. Forgiveness is not about the other person deserving it but it is you deserving the peace that God offers
Forgiveness has no limits, no boundaries.
The Question is How Many Times? Seven Times?
Repeated Offenders and Repeated offences is something we are not unfamiliar with. When we put our safeguarding systems in place that is what we acknowledge – offending could be habitual and a behavioural aberration and everyone should be alert.
What does it mean to say Seventy Seven times- It just means Forgiveness without boundaries, without limits as was evident in the prayer at the cross- father forgive them.
In one of his interviews Fr.Lapsely spoke about what he felt when he lost both his hands- (see the full interview in the webpage of the Forgiveness Project theforgivenessproject.com/fwordpodcast.) I quote- “I think the dominant feeling was one of grief. You know if you lose a loved one, part of you will always grieve for that person and it is like that when you lose limbs as well. You are losing part of yourself. So, a part of me will always grieve for the hands that I have lost. So, grief, yes. Permanent grief. Sometimes there can be moments of frustration. There can be some small thing you are trying to do and you can’t do it because you have got no hands.”
He once told his bishop who was wondering how he would minister without his hands. “I think I can be more of a priest with no hands than I ever was with two hands”.
Through the years I found that my traumatic, obvious physical disability, often gives other people permission to share their disability, their brokenness, which for so many of us as people is not visible but is no less real. So, that was why I could say in the bomb I lost a lot, I still have a lot and I gained. I would say I am a better human being because of the journey that I have travelled. It’s helped me realise that actually perfection is not the human story, it’s imperfection, incompleteness and that actually we need one another to be fully human.
I remember hearing a South African academic and author, Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela speak once. She wrote that brilliant book called, “A Human Being Died That Night” and she is an expert in memory and trauma.
She said that after years of research into the power of forgiveness she had come to the conclusion that actually it was apology and accountability and acknowledgement which were the most important things when it came to healing and moving the story along. She explained that when people have been wounded, they feel de-humanised and so the act of apology, by recognising the pain of the other, re-humanises and restores dignity.
Conclusion
Are we people who owe an apology to someone for messing up their lives?
Are we people who need to be liberated from bitterness by forgiving and letting go and moving on?
And the message for us is simple- Now is the time, soon it will be too late.
Amen
Vinod Victor
17th September 2023
Freiburg Anglican Church 